Piano

Dear Grandpa,

Why is it that I love writing so much, yet I can never think of what I want to write?  I sit in class wanting only to get home and go straight to my computer and fill pages with stupid times new roman letters; yet when I finally have the time, I clean my room, make food, and procrastinate until it's too late to even start. I guess you can say I kind of procrastinate to write letters too, which can explain the months that go by in silence.  Not cool man!  Especially because I love talking to you, but sometimes it's too hard.  Not really hard in the sense that it's too upsetting, but hard in the sense that I don't always know what to write and it becomes too easy to just put it off until later when I have something to write.

I have to write a short story for Creative Writing.  I have so many brilliant ideas that I start when I'm no where near my computer, things like manifestos, "firsts", memoirs, etc.  Running and playing the piano usually gets my creative juices flowing, but it's cold outside and there is barely space in my bedroom for some boots let alone a piano.

I miss being able to close my eyes and play a song perfectly from the feel of the keys.  Some were greasier than others and they were reminders for my fingers when I switched octaves.  Maybe that's what I need to do... write about playing the piano.  I'll try it.  Thanks Grandpa! :)

Love always,
Your granddaughter

Trust

Dear Grandpa,

Trust is a difficult thing to master.  You either trust too much and allow for deceit and pain to take over, or you don't trust at all and live on lies.  There is a fine line between the two where you can have the best of both worlds, but that takes years to earn.  College tests your sense of trust with friends, school work, and management, giving you the freedom and the evils that lurk somewhere behind all of the parties, raging alcoholics, and parent-less dorms.

For the most part, I trust too much.  I don't think I've respected my self worth and I've befriended people that aren't deserving of my generosity.  Not to say that I'm the ideal student, but it feels like none of these people have ambitions or work towards getting out of college; it's like they're stuck in this vortex of freedom and little responsibility and have no desire to make it into the real world.  They're completely fine with living pay check to pay check and they put their lives at risk literally every Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday (if they're lucky).

That's not me, Grandpa.  You worked hard for our family and I appreciate all of the advice and strength you gave Mom to be the first person to go to college and become super successful and raise a loving family that understands the values of life, while living in a multi-million dollar home.  I know how important to you to live comfortably and not have the worries that you did growing up in such a hateful world.  I'm so lucky to have such a great family that truly gives a damn about what I do and is hard on me.  Because of them, because of you, I will be successful and I will be important, but more importantly, I will be wise past my years and learn to trust just enough.

Love always,
Your granddaughter