Dear Grandpa,
Oh how times have changed. I can honestly say that I feel like a new person this year. I'm figuring out my future, preparing for graduation, extending my family, and meeting amazing people. I am so inspired to read and write and it's absolutely liberating. My friends and family say I'm a breath of fresh air and much more fun to be around. I believe them.
This person, N, is quite an interesting character. So opposite from what I'm used to, but I kind of like it. It's invigorating to feel different and surround myself with different things, but it is also slightly unnerving, not going to lie! I think I have to continue to take life slowly and really sense everything.
I went out in the city with my friends quite a few times; I made some new bonds and strengthened the old bonds. The danger and chaos that happens on a normal basis downtown is incredible. I finally understand what C and L are saying! I await the day when my little Russian and I meet up in Brooklyn. Should be entertaining to say the least.
I needed this. And, I'm kind of loving it! Thank you for making my year, Grandpa. I couldn't have done it without you!
Love always,
Your granddaughter
P.S. Penelope says hi! She's our newest little chunky monkey.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Merry Christmas
Dear Grandpa,
I hope it is snowier in heaven than it is down here. Even though there isn't enough to build our garbage-side igloo or sled down an icy driveway, there is just enough frost to get me into the christmas spirit. After the presents, candy, cookies, and friends, my family has been the best gift I could ask for. Though we may fight and complain about one another, my family is full of so much love and support that I can't put it into words. And for the first time, we are happy to celebrate this day and we feel your spirit all around.
I love you so much, Grandpa. Thank you for making me into the strong and wise granddaughter I know I am. With you always in my heart and mind, nothing can bring me down! Merry Christmas!
Love always,
Your granddaughter
P.S. I'll save you a cinnamon sugar cookie. They're amazingly delicious!!
I hope it is snowier in heaven than it is down here. Even though there isn't enough to build our garbage-side igloo or sled down an icy driveway, there is just enough frost to get me into the christmas spirit. After the presents, candy, cookies, and friends, my family has been the best gift I could ask for. Though we may fight and complain about one another, my family is full of so much love and support that I can't put it into words. And for the first time, we are happy to celebrate this day and we feel your spirit all around.
I love you so much, Grandpa. Thank you for making me into the strong and wise granddaughter I know I am. With you always in my heart and mind, nothing can bring me down! Merry Christmas!
Love always,
Your granddaughter
P.S. I'll save you a cinnamon sugar cookie. They're amazingly delicious!!
Sunday, December 16, 2012
December 17, 2012
Dear Grandpa,
It's amazing how the mind works. I can close my eyes right now and feel the intensity of the exact moment of your passing. I remember the color of your skin and the shrill in Grandma's voice. She rambled about honey... something about feeding you honey, but I remember being able to lift your body. Like a child. I can replay that moment just how it happened and every time I do, I feel nervous like I did when I had to call 911, Mom, and Dad.
So many things have changed, Grandpa, and it's hard to keep up with the world. Tragedies, heartbreaks, and health challenges surround our holiday season and that's aside from the feeling of missing you. Our family is stronger than ever and that helps, but it just doesn't feel like Christmas time. Mom and Grandma finally feel good enough to celebrate and decorate the house and tree, which is great. But I feel like I'm just sucking up all of their sadness. With finals and other stressors, I feel like I'm setting myself back.
It doesn't feel like you've been gone for two years. I want you swimming with me in Puerto Rico or fixing your hearing aid that always went off during moments of silence. As much as I would like for this day to fly by, it's already crawling. December 17, 2010. The last day I was blessed to have you in my life. And, oh, how I miss you. Maybe I'll see you in my dreams.
It's amazing how the mind works.
Love always,
Your granddaughter
It's amazing how the mind works. I can close my eyes right now and feel the intensity of the exact moment of your passing. I remember the color of your skin and the shrill in Grandma's voice. She rambled about honey... something about feeding you honey, but I remember being able to lift your body. Like a child. I can replay that moment just how it happened and every time I do, I feel nervous like I did when I had to call 911, Mom, and Dad.
So many things have changed, Grandpa, and it's hard to keep up with the world. Tragedies, heartbreaks, and health challenges surround our holiday season and that's aside from the feeling of missing you. Our family is stronger than ever and that helps, but it just doesn't feel like Christmas time. Mom and Grandma finally feel good enough to celebrate and decorate the house and tree, which is great. But I feel like I'm just sucking up all of their sadness. With finals and other stressors, I feel like I'm setting myself back.
It doesn't feel like you've been gone for two years. I want you swimming with me in Puerto Rico or fixing your hearing aid that always went off during moments of silence. As much as I would like for this day to fly by, it's already crawling. December 17, 2010. The last day I was blessed to have you in my life. And, oh, how I miss you. Maybe I'll see you in my dreams.
It's amazing how the mind works.
Love always,
Your granddaughter
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Serenity Prayer
Dear Grandpa,
Grandma goes to church every Sunday to pray and she seems to be doing alright. The only prayer that I know and love is one that you've heard me say many times before:
Love always,
Your granddaughter
Grandma goes to church every Sunday to pray and she seems to be doing alright. The only prayer that I know and love is one that you've heard me say many times before:
God,
grant me the peace and serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Amen.
Love always,
Your granddaughter
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Fast-forward
Dear Grandpa,
Have you ever felt like the rest of the world is on fast-forward, while you're stuck in normal speed? It's almost as if you're watching caterpillars burst into butterflies before your very eyes and you are still the same. I try so hard not to regret and to believe that everything happens for a reason, but for one second I wish I could go into a time machine and see where everything went wrong. How my world started moving without me and why.
Love always,
Your granddaughter
Have you ever felt like the rest of the world is on fast-forward, while you're stuck in normal speed? It's almost as if you're watching caterpillars burst into butterflies before your very eyes and you are still the same. I try so hard not to regret and to believe that everything happens for a reason, but for one second I wish I could go into a time machine and see where everything went wrong. How my world started moving without me and why.
Love always,
Your granddaughter
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Missing Someone
Dear Grandpa,
I miss the times when I was worried I would never have my first kiss, or wondered what my first date would be like. When deciding whether to do geometry homework or take a bike ride was my biggest issue. I miss feeling independent of everyone.
I miss my best friend. I miss being able to text him and laugh about something stupid, or just sit in his car and fear for my life. I miss feeling confident with myself and beautiful when I was with him. I miss being self-assured of everything I was doing and where I was taking my future. I just miss it all and I hate it. I wish I could just turn these feeling off, but it's impossible. I find myself dreaming of false realities and the only way I survive my long drives is with blasting reggaeton music. I want to hate him so badly, but I can't.
All I can do is miss him. And I hate it. AND, I don't understand how why he doesn't miss me too.
Grandpa, take my mind away for one night, so I don't wake up feeling like this. It's really wearing me down and the reggaeton playlist is so over played its not funny.
Love always,
Your granddaughter
I miss the times when I was worried I would never have my first kiss, or wondered what my first date would be like. When deciding whether to do geometry homework or take a bike ride was my biggest issue. I miss feeling independent of everyone.
I miss my best friend. I miss being able to text him and laugh about something stupid, or just sit in his car and fear for my life. I miss feeling confident with myself and beautiful when I was with him. I miss being self-assured of everything I was doing and where I was taking my future. I just miss it all and I hate it. I wish I could just turn these feeling off, but it's impossible. I find myself dreaming of false realities and the only way I survive my long drives is with blasting reggaeton music. I want to hate him so badly, but I can't.
All I can do is miss him. And I hate it. AND, I don't understand how why he doesn't miss me too.
Grandpa, take my mind away for one night, so I don't wake up feeling like this. It's really wearing me down and the reggaeton playlist is so over played its not funny.
Love always,
Your granddaughter
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Nightmares
Dear Grandpa,
I feel like I'm having more nightmares than hours of sleep. I wake up, tell myself that nothing is real, fall back asleep, and continue with the same terrifying subconscious world as before. Can't my mind take a rest for a little? Go on a vacation or something?
Since I can no longer call someone to cry on the phone or hear the soothing words that everything will be alright, I am writing to you for strength and peace. Maybe, if you're not too busy in heaven, you can stop down in my dreams and kick my butt in dominoes. I promise, though, I've gotten better.
Love always,
Your granddaughter
I feel like I'm having more nightmares than hours of sleep. I wake up, tell myself that nothing is real, fall back asleep, and continue with the same terrifying subconscious world as before. Can't my mind take a rest for a little? Go on a vacation or something?
Since I can no longer call someone to cry on the phone or hear the soothing words that everything will be alright, I am writing to you for strength and peace. Maybe, if you're not too busy in heaven, you can stop down in my dreams and kick my butt in dominoes. I promise, though, I've gotten better.
Love always,
Your granddaughter
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