Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Venting

Dear Grandpa,

I guess it must be my time of the month because my emotions are like a freaking roller coaster. Either way, I need to talk to someone who isn't going to take sides, or use my venting time to vent to me, or just say something that isn't going to make me feel any better.

I think I have some super power where I can sense to the nth degree what someone is thinking, feeling, or planning. That being said, don't consider me a superhero because it's not like I have the power to snap my fingers and make everything better, I just have the burden of knowing too much. You know the saying, "no news is good news?" Well, I ALWAYS know.

So when parents argue, and IVF patients are pessimistic, and wives miss their lost ones, I understand how they're feeling even when I don't want to. I an older sister and I am a college student, but more than that, I am almost forced to be an adult when I just want to be a naive child. I wish I didn't listen or care so much, but it's who I am. 

Strangely, though, whether my roller coaster cycle is going back up or the sun is finally shining through my window, I feel better telling you about this. It helps that someone is listening to me and feeling everything that I have to feel, for a change. I love my life and there is nothing I would change about the people in it, but sometimes I feel too overwhelmed. I need a "me" day.

Love always,
Your granddaughter

Monday, June 20, 2011

Becoming a vet!

Dear Grandpa,

I've been trying to find my future job for so long, when all I really needed to do was look in my kitchen and become a child again. Sitting down on the hard granite floor and getting tackled by a massive black brute and a fuzzy little white blur reminds me of why I love animals (especially dogs) so much. They really do have a sixth sense and know when to nudge their wet nose in the palm of your trembling hand, or literally tackle you with love when you need a hug. Like I've told you before, animals devote their lives to you and are the only beings on this planet that will love you more than they love themselves. 

Because of that, I want to try and become a vet again. It is the only job I've dreamed to do since I was little and the one I chose not to do because of one word... science. Science is struggling and scary and definitely doesn't come easy to me. Unlike writing a ten page essay or giving a twenty minute speech, science is the one subject that I avoided in college because of the trouble it gave me in high school. However, I feel like I owe it to myself and my dogs to put in every effort to becoming who I really want to be. I didn't think I would be able to ever become a vet without loving science, but maybe I haven't really been exposed to the right teachers or just didn't push myself hard enough. I know now that I can do whatever I set my mind to because, after this semester, I proved that I can start fresh in a new school, mid semester, and make dean's list! 

I know that this won't be easy because I have so much work to catch up on. Not only do I have to take all of these intense bio courses, but I also have to accumulate 400 hours of volunteer work at vet hospitals. There are only 28 vet schools in the country and only 5 of them are within my kind of driving distance. Summer courses are definitely a must and I can't slack off during the school year, but I'm going to do my all. I have the patience and the passion to go into this career and I want to become the vet that I wanted to be forever. 

I will work at the science with tutors and get extra help and tackle any hurdle that is thrown at me because the unrequited love I get in return from the animals is worth it. To my dogs, I am their world. It's time to make them mine.

Love always,
Your granddaughter

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Happy Father's Day

Dear Grandpa,


Happy Father's Day. Just know that I was thinking about you and tried my best not to read the grandpa cards in the supermarket. Nothing could amount to how much you were missed today. Love you to the moon and back.


Love always,
Your granddaughter

Friday, June 17, 2011

Beautiful, beautiful rainbow.

Dear Grandpa,


Don't act like I didn't see you! Today, while I was not thinking bad thoughts, after my father successfully had his surgery, on the way out of the hospital to pick up Grandma who is healthy, I saw you. You were beautiful and so bright that I knew immediately it was my grandpa. You hugged the sky with bands of colors and, though it was raining, you shined right through. 


It was a relief to see you in that way; it wasn't like an apparition that might scare me in my sleep, or a breath in the wind, whispering in my ear, but you were a gorgeous rainbow. You met me right outside the same hospital that you died in on the day of your anniversary, on the day of my daddy's surgery and Grandma's hospital check up, to tell me that everything will be okay. I couldn't think of a better way to end the day.


I have the best grandpa in the world!


Love always,
Your granddaughter

Thursday, June 16, 2011

I will not think bad thoughts.

Dear Grandpa,


Tomorrow is Daddy's heart surgery. I'm not quite sure what to make of it because I don't want to have any bad thoughts going into the day, but I wish it were on another day.


Tomorrow is also your seven month anniversary, not that I'm counting, but it gets a little more difficult. Since Mom wanted the best surgeon possible, she contacted the best accredited cardiac unit, which happened to be Englewood hospital. So again, not that I wanted to create or think about bad omens, but exactly seven months ago you died in Englewood hospital.


Tomorrow is a big day. I have lots of praying to do and definitely lots of good thoughts to think. Should I start now? I will not think bad thoughts. I will not think bad. I will not think. I will not. I will. 


Love always,
Your granddaughter

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Evolution... YUCK!

Dear Grandpa,


Remind me never to take an evolution course ever again.


Love always,
Your granddaughter

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

NYC love

Dear Grandpa,


I am in love with the city! I love the rushed feeling you get when you walk down the streets of the city, school girls in uniforms to your right and suited men and women to your left. Maybe it's instilled somewhere deep inside my body, coming from a family of city goers and taxi drivers, but I feel like I'm supposed to be there. Is that weird? I can picture myself waking up in the morning to take my dog for a walk in central park, or taking a light jog along side the hudson. 


I may not know exactly what I'm going to do in the future, but I KNOW I will be there someday. I hope I will love it like you did.


Love always,
Your granddaughter

Monday, June 13, 2011

Violet perfume

Dear Grandpa, 

Just before you passed away Mom got a bunch of violet scented lotions and body wash (you know, that infamous Spanish baby smell). I guess, since she was taking care of you like a child, she bought everything that smelled like us when we were children. It used to remind me of Nanny because she would drown me in that scent, but now it reminds me of you. So, I searched deep in the collection of bottles under my sink and found the last remaining violet scented perfume. It sits on my nightstand every day because if I ever feel lonely or out of place, I spray a little on my pillow and dream of you. 

Love always,
Your granddaughter

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Magic!

Dear Grandpa,

Sorry for the complete and utter randomness that is about to happen, but this video was mesmerizing. You ABSOLUTELY have to watch!


Love always,
Your granddaughter

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Prince Royce

Dear Grandpa,

My new obsession? Prince Royce!
 

Okay, so maybe the lyrics and adorable video aren't all I'm obsessed with...
Love always,
Your granddaughter

Friday, June 10, 2011

Love

Dear Grandpa,

Love makes you do crazy things. It makes you deaf to the farting and completely off-key singing and blind to the left-overs stuck in his teeth. Being in love is something you adore and hate at the same time. It's a crazy jitter that mixes up your insides and makes the hairs stand up on your arms. It whispers sweet little nothings into your ears and jabs your ribs at the same time.

GOOD THING I'M COMPLETELY IN LOVE.

Love always,
Your granddaughter

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Fortune cookie

Dear Grandpa,

After some yummy Chinese take-out, I got a wonderful message from you in a fortune cookie. It said, "When the sky is darkest, you can see the stars." I guess I'll be looking for you in the sky next time I need some light.

Love always,
Your granddaughter

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

BINGO

Dear Grandpa,

There's only one way to describe this day... BINGO! I must have had someone really special watching over me because for the first time in a while, I felt content.
Though I tried finding every possible way to get out of going to bingo with Grandma tonight, something (or someone) told me I should go. It's not that I don't like spending time with her, though she drives me insane, but bingo get's kind of boring after a while. So, like the amazing girlfriend I am, I dragged Tan with me.

Wouldn't you know that while I was there, I got an email from Tracy Myers saying that we were featured on Forensic Science's list of the best Alzheimer's blogs! I was thrilled and couldn't wipe a smile off my face, even if I was losing at bingo. I could care less if I won or lost. Then, like a miracle, I won!

Whether it was because I made Grandma happy, or because I really needed your help, you were with me today, Grandpa, and I have to thank you. For that, I have some pictures of your beautiful wife and my winning bingo board. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do. Miss you tons and tons, but I won't be sad because I know you're with me everywhere I go. 

Love always,
Your granddaughter


 

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

A prayer

Dear Grandpa,

Please grant me the peace and serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to tell the difference.

Love always,
Your granddaughter

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