Revelation

Dear Grandpa,

It has been too long. That's my fault. I thought that I could handle everything on my own for a while, but I realize now that I needed you more than I figured. I've changed. A LOT. 

I lost my wallet yesterday, Grandpa, and I'm pretty sure someone took it. Mom is right, that I trust too much. I would never think of stealing anything because that's the way I was raised. If I saw $20 on the street, I would feel too uncomfortable using it and probably just donate it to a church or something like that. But there are too many people in this world that don't have those ethics and it's kind of like a slap in the face. Anyway, I could care less about the money that was in there, the debit card, or my license. Yes, it's a pain in the ass to lose them and I now have to go through all of these steps to get them back, but they're material things. I'm most upset that I don't have your prayer card, the one from your funeral. I had it in the back pocket, sticking out just a bit, so it always reminded me of you. There was a part of me that thought your grandpa-prayer-card-powers would lead me to my wallet and when it didn't, I felt like I lost you too. So I spent the day overwhelmed, stressed, and upset... until I felt you lift me up. I don't know how to feel it, but one second I'm so depressed and the next, I'm okay.  I'm okay, Grandpa. You always know when exactly I need you, REALLY need you. 

You might not know how much you actually help me, but the only way to explain it is through my poetic freak of nature way:  now a days I haven't been myself. I'm like a train that strayed from the tracks; sometimes I'll hit a clear path, while other times, I am dodging and scraping things left and right. Then, like nothing, you throw me right back on track. I feel like me, better than me. I suddenly realize just how much I'm worth and how hard I should be working. I understand what it's like to love and lose. Most importantly, I become a little closer to you, my guardian angel.

Look, I could spend days writing to you about everything that has happened to me since I last talked to you, but none of that matters. What matters is that I'm your granddaughter again and I wont ever forget that. Thank you for making me whole again. I love you.

Love always,

Your granddaughter

PMS

Dear Grandpa,


PMS


Girls hate it, boys dread it, friends prepare for it. I know I have been PMSing because, hell, who else cryes to Melanie and Marko's dance routine on SYTYCD? I eat too much, I whine too much, I hate too much. It's pretty much a major downhill in every month of every year of every woman's menstrual life. 


Grandpa, I know you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about, but for all of the other ladies out there, I think you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about when I say that men PMS too! Maybe it's not the same time, or reason, but men have a tendency to get particularly needy, annoying, and emotional at least once every month. For example, Daddy got extremely mad today, with good reasons, but not good enough to get to the level of anger he did today. I'm pretty sure the two hours of traffic we sat in coming home is a good base of all of this anger, but this wouldn't be the first time he sat in that amount of traffic this month either. Also, where the feelings might simmer down the next day, he continues to hold grudges and walk around, thinking "I am totally on the right page here and the rest of the world is wrong." 


I know what you're thinking, Grandpa:  PMS is all in the science and I'm silly to think that boys PMS. Well, I think it has a lot to do with mother nature and I have a hard time thinking that she would make things so unfair (that combined with the fact that she is a woman!!) It might have a different name and different scientific reasoning, but the conclusion to this letter here is that boys PMS just like girls do. The end!


Love always,
Your granddaughter


P.S. Here is the dance routine just in case you're PMSing and feel the need to cry :)

It's not the end of the world

Dear Grandpa,


It's not the end of the world. Since Monday, when I was furious at my parents... and the world for being stupid, those 7 words have been repeating in my mind constantly. I'm not sure how they got into my head, but everytime I think of "It's not the end of the world," I relax. It feels like someone pulled the plug to all of the pressure that was rising in my chest and let it ooze and settle.


Thank you for helping me, Grandpa. Mom tells me that you always knew just what to say and do and I completely understand. I might not have believed in ghosts and angels before, but I believe in you. 


Love always,
Your granddaughter

Freedom rant

Dear Grandpa,


Before I start my rant, let me start by telling you this:  I am a 20 year old girl who gets straight A's, doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, barely parties, practically lives at home (even during college), and has been the most easy going college student a parent could ask for. Then again, you probably already know this.


So why am I being treated like a 15 year old! I feel like I am under house arrest because I have to ask if I can go into the city with her (I don't even know WHY I have to ask) only to be denied almost everytime. I can't go shopping by myself because I HAVE to spend time with Mom. Now, I can't even have friends over the house to hang out?! Give me a break. I am sick of being at home and, for once, I actually want to be a 20 year old... is that such a shocker?


I need to leave this house and, when I do, I'm not coming back for a while. All of this pulling me in business is just pushing me farther away and I need my space to grow.


Please help me, Grandpa.


Love always,
Your granddaughter

Stress

Dear Grandpa,

It has been a while since we've talked. I won't waste the time we have together to come up with excuses, just know that I'm sorry. I miss you so very much.

I have been so stressed out, Grandpa. Between all of the decisions I have to make, trying to make everyone happy, and preparing for my third year of school, I can't seem to think for myself. I always have to try to fix things and that can build up on a person. You're probably the only person I ever share all of my secrets to, be it through my prayers or through our letters. You have made mistakes and learned the consequences, you have seen me change from light-up sketchers to stiletto heels, you loved your family with all of your heart, but most of all, you are so much more than my grandpa. You listen until my voice is hoarse and let me figure out things on my own so I grow to be a better person. Most of all, Grandpa, you know all of me and still love me unconditionally; I feel it everytime I doubt myself. 

So I'll tell you everything. I don't know if I'm making the right choices for my future, my heart, or my family. I am mad that Grandma wont come home to us and that Mom isn't pushing it hard enough. I feel trapped in my parent's expectations and I can't escape that feeling. I hate not knowing what the future will bring and hate hearing everyone to tell me to be patient. I don't know if I have all of the faith I need to push myself in school and my priorities have been flipped upside down. I wonder what it would be like to be drunk and I hate that I'm even considering that. I feel too old for my body and I am pressured to be older than I already am. I used to play the piano, or listen to music, or run until my knees could give out to clear my mind, but now, they all force me to analyze even more. Even Chris Brown can't give me advice on what to do and that has NEVER happened.

I wish I could hold your purple-veined hand and consume all of my thoughts with you; whether you are hungry, or tired, or cold, or comfortable. I wish I could write poems again. I wish I wouldn't look in the mirror and wish I had a face other than my own. I wish I stopped listening to such sad songs. I wish I could tell Mom that she needs to give me a little room to grow. I wish I ran to your room when Grandma called and called 911 as soon as I saw you instead of composing myself first.

I could have fixed you.

Love always,

Your granddaughter

Venting

Dear Grandpa,

I guess it must be my time of the month because my emotions are like a freaking roller coaster. Either way, I need to talk to someone who isn't going to take sides, or use my venting time to vent to me, or just say something that isn't going to make me feel any better.

I think I have some super power where I can sense to the nth degree what someone is thinking, feeling, or planning. That being said, don't consider me a superhero because it's not like I have the power to snap my fingers and make everything better, I just have the burden of knowing too much. You know the saying, "no news is good news?" Well, I ALWAYS know.

So when parents argue, and IVF patients are pessimistic, and wives miss their lost ones, I understand how they're feeling even when I don't want to. I an older sister and I am a college student, but more than that, I am almost forced to be an adult when I just want to be a naive child. I wish I didn't listen or care so much, but it's who I am. 

Strangely, though, whether my roller coaster cycle is going back up or the sun is finally shining through my window, I feel better telling you about this. It helps that someone is listening to me and feeling everything that I have to feel, for a change. I love my life and there is nothing I would change about the people in it, but sometimes I feel too overwhelmed. I need a "me" day.

Love always,
Your granddaughter

Becoming a vet!

Dear Grandpa,

I've been trying to find my future job for so long, when all I really needed to do was look in my kitchen and become a child again. Sitting down on the hard granite floor and getting tackled by a massive black brute and a fuzzy little white blur reminds me of why I love animals (especially dogs) so much. They really do have a sixth sense and know when to nudge their wet nose in the palm of your trembling hand, or literally tackle you with love when you need a hug. Like I've told you before, animals devote their lives to you and are the only beings on this planet that will love you more than they love themselves. 

Because of that, I want to try and become a vet again. It is the only job I've dreamed to do since I was little and the one I chose not to do because of one word... science. Science is struggling and scary and definitely doesn't come easy to me. Unlike writing a ten page essay or giving a twenty minute speech, science is the one subject that I avoided in college because of the trouble it gave me in high school. However, I feel like I owe it to myself and my dogs to put in every effort to becoming who I really want to be. I didn't think I would be able to ever become a vet without loving science, but maybe I haven't really been exposed to the right teachers or just didn't push myself hard enough. I know now that I can do whatever I set my mind to because, after this semester, I proved that I can start fresh in a new school, mid semester, and make dean's list! 

I know that this won't be easy because I have so much work to catch up on. Not only do I have to take all of these intense bio courses, but I also have to accumulate 400 hours of volunteer work at vet hospitals. There are only 28 vet schools in the country and only 5 of them are within my kind of driving distance. Summer courses are definitely a must and I can't slack off during the school year, but I'm going to do my all. I have the patience and the passion to go into this career and I want to become the vet that I wanted to be forever. 

I will work at the science with tutors and get extra help and tackle any hurdle that is thrown at me because the unrequited love I get in return from the animals is worth it. To my dogs, I am their world. It's time to make them mine.

Love always,
Your granddaughter

Happy Father's Day

Dear Grandpa,


Happy Father's Day. Just know that I was thinking about you and tried my best not to read the grandpa cards in the supermarket. Nothing could amount to how much you were missed today. Love you to the moon and back.


Love always,
Your granddaughter

Beautiful, beautiful rainbow.

Dear Grandpa,


Don't act like I didn't see you! Today, while I was not thinking bad thoughts, after my father successfully had his surgery, on the way out of the hospital to pick up Grandma who is healthy, I saw you. You were beautiful and so bright that I knew immediately it was my grandpa. You hugged the sky with bands of colors and, though it was raining, you shined right through. 


It was a relief to see you in that way; it wasn't like an apparition that might scare me in my sleep, or a breath in the wind, whispering in my ear, but you were a gorgeous rainbow. You met me right outside the same hospital that you died in on the day of your anniversary, on the day of my daddy's surgery and Grandma's hospital check up, to tell me that everything will be okay. I couldn't think of a better way to end the day.


I have the best grandpa in the world!


Love always,
Your granddaughter

I will not think bad thoughts.

Dear Grandpa,


Tomorrow is Daddy's heart surgery. I'm not quite sure what to make of it because I don't want to have any bad thoughts going into the day, but I wish it were on another day.


Tomorrow is also your seven month anniversary, not that I'm counting, but it gets a little more difficult. Since Mom wanted the best surgeon possible, she contacted the best accredited cardiac unit, which happened to be Englewood hospital. So again, not that I wanted to create or think about bad omens, but exactly seven months ago you died in Englewood hospital.


Tomorrow is a big day. I have lots of praying to do and definitely lots of good thoughts to think. Should I start now? I will not think bad thoughts. I will not think bad. I will not think. I will not. I will. 


Love always,
Your granddaughter

Evolution... YUCK!

Dear Grandpa,


Remind me never to take an evolution course ever again.


Love always,
Your granddaughter

NYC love

Dear Grandpa,


I am in love with the city! I love the rushed feeling you get when you walk down the streets of the city, school girls in uniforms to your right and suited men and women to your left. Maybe it's instilled somewhere deep inside my body, coming from a family of city goers and taxi drivers, but I feel like I'm supposed to be there. Is that weird? I can picture myself waking up in the morning to take my dog for a walk in central park, or taking a light jog along side the hudson. 


I may not know exactly what I'm going to do in the future, but I KNOW I will be there someday. I hope I will love it like you did.


Love always,
Your granddaughter

Violet perfume

Dear Grandpa, 

Just before you passed away Mom got a bunch of violet scented lotions and body wash (you know, that infamous Spanish baby smell). I guess, since she was taking care of you like a child, she bought everything that smelled like us when we were children. It used to remind me of Nanny because she would drown me in that scent, but now it reminds me of you. So, I searched deep in the collection of bottles under my sink and found the last remaining violet scented perfume. It sits on my nightstand every day because if I ever feel lonely or out of place, I spray a little on my pillow and dream of you. 

Love always,
Your granddaughter

Magic!

Dear Grandpa,

Sorry for the complete and utter randomness that is about to happen, but this video was mesmerizing. You ABSOLUTELY have to watch!

Ipod Magic

Love always,

Your granddaughter

Prince Royce

Dear Grandpa,

My new obsession? Prince Royce!

 

Okay, so maybe the lyrics and adorable video aren't all I'm obsessed with...

Love always,

Your granddaughter

Love

Dear Grandpa,

Love makes you do crazy things. It makes you deaf to the farting and completely off-key singing and blind to the left-overs stuck in his teeth. Being in love is something you adore and hate at the same time. It's a crazy jitter that mixes up your insides and makes the hairs stand up on your arms. It whispers sweet little nothings into your ears and jabs your ribs at the same time.

GOOD THING I'M COMPLETELY IN LOVE.

Love always,
Your granddaughter

Fortune cookie

Dear Grandpa,

After some yummy Chinese take-out, I got a wonderful message from you in a fortune cookie. It said, "When the sky is darkest, you can see the stars." I guess I'll be looking for you in the sky next time I need some light.

Love always,
Your granddaughter

BINGO

Dear Grandpa,

There's only one way to describe this day... BINGO! I must have had someone really special watching over me because for the first time in a while, I felt content.

Though I tried finding every possible way to get out of going to bingo with Grandma tonight, something (or someone) told me I should go. It's not that I don't like spending time with her, though she drives me insane, but bingo get's kind of boring after a while. So, like the amazing girlfriend I am, I dragged Tan with me.

Wouldn't you know that while I was there, I got an email from Tracy Myers saying that we were featured on Forensic Science's list of the best Alzheimer's blogs! I was thrilled and couldn't wipe a smile off my face, even if I was losing at bingo. I could care less if I won or lost. Then, like a miracle, I won!

Whether it was because I made Grandma happy, or because I really needed your help, you were with me today, Grandpa, and I have to thank you. For that, I have some pictures of your beautiful wife and my winning bingo board. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do. Miss you tons and tons, but I won't be sad because I know you're with me everywhere I go. 

Love always,
Your granddaughter

 

A prayer

Dear Grandpa,

Please grant me the peace and serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to tell the difference.

Love always,
Your granddaughter

Latina

Dear Grandpa,

Watch this video from up in heaven. I hope you can feel the pride I feel when I watch our latino idols sing and dance on national TV. It is the people like them and people like you, who use their pride to further themselves, but not detriment their common sense, that make me want to be important in the future.

Please, Grandpa, help me laugh and smile for the four and a half minutes of this video. I need your spirit to help lift up mine for a change.

Love always,
Your granddaughter

Make me strong

Dear Grandpa,

Today is the first day that I'm starting to feel more like myself. I drove to Staten Island with Mom and met up with Leah and her mom for breakfast at IHOP. Omelets there are so much cheesier and filled, which is, yet, another reason New York is a bagillion times better than New Jersey. Anyway, after the eating extravaganza we went shopping at TJ Maxx and I got the cheapest and most fabulous reversible bathing suit. Things seemed to have finally turned up. I don't know what it is, but being in the area around my town makes me feel so much more aware of myself and my differences, but being in Staten Island and Manhattan brings me energy. I feel like I'm on another planet where I don't have to care about anything.

Then, everything went downhill. My night sucked and you probably know why. The only person that has really helped me through it all is Mom. She tells me stories about you and the things you used to say to cheer her up and it makes me smile. There are so few memories I have of you before you got sick, but those few that remain are so treasured. Luckily, they resurface when I hear Mom and Grandma talk about you and, for just a little bit, it feels like you're still on your lounge chair back in Puerto Rico. I wish I could still tell you that you penciled in your eyebrows with a blue Sharpie instead of a black one and I wish I still believed that you were the fastest swimmer in the world. 

Make me strong, Grandpa.


Love always,
Your granddaughter

Hangover 2

Dear Grandpa,

I need a break from stress. I hung out with my friends today and saw the Hangover 2, but it was incredibly raunchy and way too awkward with Michael in the same audience. Talking to Matan was nice, but bittersweet. I hate feeling this way.

Love always,
Your granddaughter

Piano

Dear Grandpa,

I'm back into playing piano again and you know what that means; I'm bummed out. There is something about the piano that relaxes me, puts me into a mellow mood, and opens my mind to endless thought. I love it, I miss it, but I only practice if I'm not feeling myself. Is it weird to say that the piano music grounds me in a way? It reminds me of my younger years, when worries were on a tiny little scale and I got such simple pleasures in things like... well, playing the piano. The thing that I love the most is that the work that you put into practicing always pays off. The end result gives you a certain satisfaction that you can't find anywhere else.

I'm hoping that you'll help me resolve my problems and push me to finish this song that I'm working on now. I know that once I conquer it, I will feel much better. 

Love always,
Your granddaughter

Life sucks :(

Dear Grandpa,

Got stuck in a hospital from 8-5. Matan left for Israel. Lauren lost American idol.

Life SUCKS :(

Love always,
Your granddaughter

Matan

Dear Grandpa,

Tomorrow Matan leaves for Israel for his birthright trip. Although it has nothing to do with you, it has a lot to do with me and it's pretty much all I can think about. The thing about it is that I can't text him, call him, or email him because he won't have his computer there and the phone charges are incredible. I just have to wait for his call (did I mention that he only has 25 minutes a day). 

We get into fights and argue sometimes, but he is honestly the only person I want to go to when I'm upset, even if it's at him. Grandma says that he reminds her a lot of you: his crooked teeth, his eyes, his sweet nature. She also is convinced that I have to stay with him, NO MATTER WHAT, because you guys used to fight all the time, but she never regretted it. I guess she's right because I can't stay mad at him for long. I love him too much.

It's a joy and a curse to be in love, Grandpa, but I can't live without it. I know I'm just a silly little girl (not a teenager anymore), but he's a really great guy and I want to be happy with him for a long time. 

I hope I can make it through these 10 days without being depressed. I'm just going to have to fill myself up with work, friends, and family. Good thing I'm surrounded by people who love me. I am truly blessed.

Love always,
Your granddaughter

Sorry :(

Dear Grandpa,

I know it's been a while... almost a whole month. Things haven't been the same and I wasn't feeling like writing, (weird, I know) but I guess I should catch up with you.


Grandma is home. I missed having her in the house and I am loving the food surplus. Aunt Tina is staying here too and that gives Grandma a little bit of company since I have been busy doing other things. I'm in and out of the city, taking her to appointments and bingo and doing absolutely anything she wants. Ehhh, I still draw the line at garage sales, though. 


I'm finally done with school! Not all of my grades are in, but I'm hoping for all A's. I've done excellently in all of my courses and aced my finals, but there is always that one teacher that ruins everything. We'll see what happens there.


Mother's day was a little bit lonely. We stayed at home and everyone missed you, especially Grandma. We reminisce almost everyday about the things that you used to do. You know that I hate to cry and I don't like to complain, so I keep a lot of things inside that results in a buildup of stupid emotional stuff. I guess you know where that goes to.


I'm not depressed, so to say, but I'm not happy either. I don't know what it is, but I just don't feel the same way. It's like I'm lazy and I don't feel that same energy that I did when I was a teen. I think Mom is starting to notice because she and I spend a lot more time together than usual.


Maybe it's just the terrible weather that we've been having, or I'm just extremely hormonal. Either way, it's no excuse to leave you for so long. Maybe you could get me back to myself.


Love always,
Your granddaughter

Dear Grandpa,

You know that feeling you get when you finally feel motivated? It's like when I'm searching in my room for an outlet that actually works. I move from wall to wall, plugging in this stupid charger to my phone and then, like that, my phone lights up with life. It's these kind of feelings that we life for, you know, the ones where you realize that what you're meant to do. It happened to me once before when I filled out my applications to transfer all in one day. I did something that normally takes a typical high school senior the whole summer to complete, in one day. One afternoon. 

Now I know what I have to do in life. No matter what happens, where, or why, I'm working my ass off to be someone important. I'm not settling for less. So many people just ride life, doing the bare minimum to survive and they don't LIVE. Really live. We're put into this life to work at something and feel that glory of accomplishment. I know people that are the hardest workers that earn half of what they deserve and I know others that haven't a callous on their hands and watch the money pour in. But, Grandpa, they don't live. 

I'm your granddaughter in this regard. You truly taught this family how to work, how to make a family, and how to teach respect. I only hope to earn your respect in the future by working as hard as you did. Whatever I do, I'll be the boss, I'll earn my money, and I won't rely on anyone. 

I just saw a movie today called "Tuck Everlasting". The last time I saw it was in 8th grade. Yet, there was one quote that I never really internalized until today: "Be afraid of the unlived life". I promise you that I will do the best I can, from this day forward, and I will live my life.


Love always,
Your granddaughter

Busy is not even the word

Dear Grandpa,

I know it's been a really long time since we've talked. I told you I would do better, but I haven't really been living up to my promise. As expected, the end of the year brought so many more hours of stress and work. I feel like I have an essay due every few days and it's probably because there is! Between scheduling my summer classes, fall classes, and balancing the work out from my current classes, I can't wait for summer! However, there are a few things I should catch you up on:

First thing is that Grey's Anatomy has been MIA for the past few weeks and I am NOT liking it. Shandra Rhymes and I are going to have to have a little talk because these grey hairs that are showing up (well will eventually start showing up) are not going to compliment my youthful appearance. These breaks are just not doing it for me.

Second, the Rangers lost :(. Saddest day, but the Yankees are back! At least they're still reliable... kind of.


Third, the countdown for Grandma coming home starts now! 8 days and counting!


Fourth is not the greatest of news. I've been pretty out of whack lately. I fainted, for the first time in my life, on Wednesday and haven't really felt the same since. By far, that day was the scariest and most painful day put together. After the fainting incident, I then was rushed to the same ER where I was born (pretty cool), underwent several tests (painful), got nauseous, puked my brains out, got dehydrated, spiked a fever, puked my brains out again, and spent 3 hours waiting in a waiting room at the ER in Englewood (really, though, what's the point of an emergency room if the emergency isn't taken care of IMMEDIATELY). Nevertheless, you could imagine the memories it brought up and we were more than thrilled to leave once my fever went down into the double digits.


Fifth, I need dogs that don't bite, bark, burp, or fart (damn, I ruined a perfectly disgusting alliteration).


Sixth, Matan got a new car! Unlike what everyone and their brother advised him to get, he bought himself the hyundai genesis coupe, you know, the 2 wheel drive one. Yeahhhh. Definitely not my first choice, but I'm happy to see him love what he is driving (we'll see if that smile fades away in the winter). Did I just say that??? Jokes, but seriously watch him!


Seventh, well 7 is my lucky number. That is all.


I miss you and love you oodles of noodles, but I need to catch up on work. Remind me tomorrow to give you my reading list for the summer. 


Love always,
Your granddaughter

Win 1 for the Rangers

Dear Grandpa,

I know it's been a while since we've talked. I've been so busy between school work and birthdays and accidents (thankfully everyone is okay) and sleeping. I pray to you almost everyday, so I know you're probably keeping tabs on life even when I don't write to you. Like I always say, everything ends up working out.

So, today the boys and I went to the Ranger playoff game. It was, by far, the most intense game I have ever been to. The fans were nuts and there wasn't an empty seat in sight. Plus, the teams were pretty evenly matched so it made every goal that much more intense. I'm pretty sure you would have been proud of our boys because they fought to the end and won the game 3-2. 


Oh, and I didn't even tell you the best part. For the first time in history we got Matan into a Rangers jersey! Don't worry, we took pictures for you too :). 


Love always,
Your granddaughter

Why, why, WHY?!

Dear Grandpa,

Why was this video ever created? Better yet, why was the song every created? The world may, I take that back, will never know.

Love always,
Your granddaughter

Happy birthday to me!

Dear Grandpa,

I wont say much because I am loaded with work (can you believe it), but it feels weird not being a teen anymore. I know it's not THAT big of a year, but 20 kind of signifies adulthood and maturity. Even if I don't know what exactly what I'm going to do in the future, I know my hard work will pay off and that I will go far. I know that if you were here to see everything -me in my new school, me on my own- you would be proud. 

I love you so much and I'm thankful for the best birthday present in the world, my family. I hope you're watching over me on my birthday. Love you!

Love always,
Your granddaughter

Happy birthday, Snee!

Dear Grandpa,

It's Michael's 15th birthday and I was just thinking about all of the nicknames we had for him:

-Mike
-Schmickel
-Sneelock
-Taxi cab with its doors open


Well, whatever nickname you prefer, I'll wish him a happy birthday for you. He will love it!


Love always,
Your granddaughter

New apartment

Dear Grandpa,

I am more than excited to say that I have found my new apartment for next year! My roommates seem awesome and we have so much in common. Believe it or not, I'm not the only girl out there who is worried that her boyfriend is in the relationship for her family! Just kidding. I'm incredibly lucky to have someone who loves my family as much as he loves me.


But back to the living situation. So I'll be literally two houses away from campus, that way Chris and I could share a car for the semester. Our house is full of other students so we barely have to travel to find any fun. Plus, my roommates love Disney which is one thing I can't live without!


I'll make sure to take pictures when I move in so you can see it. I'm already starting to plan out my room!


Love always,
Your granddaughter

Top Gear

Dear Grandpa,

Netflix is life. Absolutely all of my Top Gear episodes are at my disposal. If only my school work would somehow disappear...


Love always,
Your granddaughter

Happy birthday, Broskeet!

Dear Grandpa,

Today is Chris's birthday! Can you believe he turns 18? I remember when he threw the cabinet knob at my head at age two and now, he's throwing baseballs around like a pro. We were always such a close-knit family and I'm so thankful because I know that if we were like any other family, we wouldn't have turned out the same. I'm so proud that he's coming to SUNY New Paltz, he gets his real license (all the more reason to make him go out and get groceries), and that he made it all the way to 18 before going to jail. JOKES! But seriously, I'm really proud of my little brother. No matter how old and hairy and fat he gets, I still see the short, dimple pierced, mushroom headed, half-asian looking little freak he was when back in the good old days; back when Chris's butt was a chew toy for our neighbor's German Shepherd and Michael was just a thought (also a joke)!

I'll wish him a happy birthday from you too because I know you would have been so proud to see your grandson turn 18. 

Love always,
Your Granddaughter

Black and white films

Dear Grandpa,

I guess you already knew, but I forgot how great old black and white films were. For class today, we had to watch A Streetcar Named Desire and it was so entertaining. Possibly even more so than the movies that come out today. I mean, there are a few amazing movies that were produced recently like Avatar and Narnia, but then there are movies like Avatar: The Last Airbender. Really? Where did the days do where we didn't rely on special effects and computerization to make a movie awesome? Marlon Brando and Vivien Leigh were excellent in their roles and they just provided some good entertainment from really good acting. Ugh, I think I'm going to start to work backwards and watch more old films from now on.

Love always,
Your granddaughter

Oceans

Dear Grandpa,

I watched this movie Oceans today and loved it. Normally, I'm freaked out by just about anything in the sea, moving or not moving, but this movie was so interesting. It went through different parts of the world and showed us super cool animals like this dude:
 

Blanket Octopus

It's crazy how much I haven't seen. There are animals there that I probably dreamed of and never thought existed. The walruses and their babies were really cute too. They must have so much more patience than I do to sit out and sunbathe all day. Watch this adorable video!

Love always,

Your granddaughter

Chris Breezy and J Biebs

Dear Grandpa,


The only thing better than a Chris Brown song, is a Chris Brown Ft. Justin Bieber song.

Next To You

Love always,
Your granddaughter

Puerto Rico

Dear Grandpa,


I'm back! Sorry I wasn't able to talk to you while I was away. As you know, Grandma can't even work a cell phone, so there's no way we're going to get the internet running through her house. 


Other than the lack of internet, my time in Puerto Rico was amazing. We went to Old San Juan and got these really cool nail polishes that change color in the sunlight, fed pidgeons in the square, and we obviously got ice cream at Ben and Jerry's.


Crash Boat was our home for most of the vacation. I don't think I've ever spent more time in the ocean, chasing fish and riding waves. The sun was brutal though. Even Mom got burnt! We got Grandma to come into the water up to her chest and, knowing her, that is a success.


While Mom, Matan, and Ms. McCann were back at home, Grandma thought it would be fun to go to this abandoned waterfall with her cousin because she had never been there herself. So, we wasted the beautiful beach day to hike through the forest (in flip flops and nice clothes mind you) and get lost trying to find this it. Finally, we found the gorgeous sight and watched a bunch of boys dive off of the waterfall into the botomless lake. It was really cool and I wish I could have gone swimming in it, but I had no bathing suit on and it was so cold! Maybe next trip I could drag some unfortunate soul back into the jungle to go take a swim. 


I thought you would be impressed to know that I successfully picked up all of the chickens, even Matan's sworn enemy. The babies were so adorable, but damn they were fast and most tried to commit suicide off of the balcony. That was when you knew to take them back to their mom. Lasaro eventually warmed up to the company too, but he was looking pretty gross so I never really pet him. 


I think that Grandma was so happy to have us there. Usually when she's alone in the house, she doesn't go out a lot... well, except for bingo. Now she says that she misses us and everything is so quiet now, which I know means that she's feeling lonely. I wish I could go back there and stay a little longer, but school is keeping me back. Luckily, she only has about a month until she comes here and maybe with Delia! That will be fun.


Love always,
Your granddaughter


P.S. I would upload pictures on here, but Leah and Matan took them all and I can't go on facebook to get them :( If only I had an excuse... jokes... kind of.

Mama knows best

Dear Grandpa,


Did I ever tell you that Mama always knows best? She has led me in the right direction ever since I was a wee-little pod and she still knows just what to say to make me feel better. She's like a psychic or something, I swear!


I just thought you should know that you must have done something right when raising her.


Love always,
Your granddaughter

Giving up

Dear Grandpa,


Why is it that I always find myself in difficult situations that I could have avoided from the start? I have such faith in myself that I can do something, but then I feel so overwhelmed and stressed with the situation. 


Example: When I was first choosing my classes for this semester, I did anything to keep from having Friday classes. So a class looked a little beyond my capabilities, no problem! Then syllabus week shows up and I'm feeling the intensity, but no problem! So what if everyone but me seems to know how to "scan" a poem (or what the word even means), no problem! Fast forward to where I am now, freaking out over the midterm for the same class. BIG problem.


I want to be able to do everything, to handle any situation that's thrown at me and to do it with ease. I'm trying, but I feel like I'm being squished. I feel like I can't handle taking on all of these difficult things. Worst of all, I feel like the only way to make life better is to give up. 


I'm trying hard for you, Grandpa, because I know you never wanted to give up, even if your body didn't support you. You fought up to your last breath. I want to be like you so much, but I really need your help. What do I do?


Love always,
Your granddaughter

4 Days

Dear Grandpa,


4 is a very special number today. It signifies the amount of days that have passed without facebook (death), the amount of midterms I have this week (also death), and the number of days until I leave to Puerto Rico (your hearts devotion). I am bored, scared, but also super excited all at the same time. 


The facebook thing is quite a struggle. I find myself looking to my bookmarks bar to click on the stupid little facebook icon, but alas. I deleted it. I hate myself for doing this, but I'm also kind of proud of how much more work I am getting done. The 'rents definitely know what they're talking about.


The midterm thing is terrible. This school is not only more demanding, but definitely more time consuming and this is not what I'm used to. All I know is, I better get awesome grades because I've been studying so much that haven't even started packing for Puerto Rico.


The trip thing is the only part that has been keeping my blood pumping. This whole week was absolutely terrible and it is definitely not stopping today. I know you must miss being there, so I'm leaving you a few pictures to remind you of your home.

We'll definitely be seeing this natural wonder of the world: the phosphorescent bay.

I wish you were here with me to swim out to the dock in Crash Boat. It's the only water that I can see straight to the bottom and am not afraid to swim in.

You know how Mom and I love to shop! Old San Juan is the love of my life!


Ugh, can't it be Thursday already?


Love always,
Your granddaughter

Chris is a hawk!

Dear Grandpa,


Chris is officially a hawk! To all of our surprise, he got accepted into New Paltz and confirmed that he is going there. I'm so excited.


I promise that I won't hover, I'll just provide the support he needs and drive him around campus, if I must. It just makes me comfortable knowing that he isn't going to be out on his own. Plus, he gets the added bonus of knowing all of my friends around campus. I'm really happy for him.


His birthday is coming up and we definitely need to get him clothes from the school. What do you think, sweatpants, sweatshirt, or shirt? Oh, maybe even a baseball hat to encourage him to play baseball? Well, whatever we decide, I'm sure he will love it. Just let me know which one is best before the end of the month. 


Love always,
Your granddaughter

Landslide

Dear Grandpa,


I could write you a novel. I could write you a poem. I could write you a letter, but everything that I need to say is in this song. It's not the original voices, but this version struck a chord in me.

Love always,
Your granddaughter

Worst day ever

Dear Grandpa,


Today was the worst day of my life. I think you know why. Please help me. I need you. 


Love always,
Your granddaughter

Day 1

Dear Grandpa,


Day 1 of no facebook. 
Withdrawls are creeping in. 
Throbbing in my head.
Swelling of the foot.
Minor bleeding between the teeth.
Slight sign of migrane.


Otherwise, I'm in tip-top shape!


Love always,
Your granddaughter

Lent

Dear Grandpa,


I am officially committing social suicide and giving up facebook for lent. Call me crazy, but that damn thing is the biggest waste of time anyway. Make sure that I make it out alive.


Love always,
Your granddaughter

Hello J-Lo

Dear Grandpa,


Don't tell Grandma, but I'm going to make all of your wishes come true and put some "entertainment" up on your wall. You don't have to tell me twice. J-Lo is straight up BANGING in this video!


Oh, and this reminds me of your version of a pick-up line: "Damn! Are those things jelly, or jam!"

Love always,

Your granddaughter

Bittersweet

Dear Grandpa,


I am on my way to spend the weekend with Matan's family for his Grandpa's 90th birthday. It's bittersweet. I'm sure you know why. 


He got written up in the newspaper this year for being married to his wife for 69 years. Pretty cool.


If you made it to 90 years old, you would have been married to Grandma for 70 years. Even cooler.


Love always,
Your granddaughter


P.S. You're always cooler to me no matter what ;)

NO GREY'S!!

Dear Grandpa,

T.V. sucks this week. Glee is on a break, Private Practice is on a break, and Grey's Anatomy is on a break. What do I have to say about this? 

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Love always,

Your granddaughter

Midterms :(

Dear Grandpa,


Midterms are two weeks from now and I am dying. I just found out tonight that my Seminar in Poetry midterm will be a joke. Not a joke like a funny joke, but one of those jokes that are really so bad that it will make you want a cry. 


I have just about a thousand pages of poetry that I need to understand, write out the meter and rhythym (terms that you should never look into because they suck), and then I have to memorize each one. He prepares to give us a random poem, blank out words, and expect us to fill them in. How, you ask? I DON'T KNOW, but I'm going to have no life until 6:00 pm March 16th. 


Please help. 


Love always,
Your granddaughter

Charlize St. Cloud

Dear Grandpa,

Last night I watched Charlie St. Cloud to go to sleep. I can't believe I have never seen this movie before! It was so sweet and Zac Efron was so yummy :). 


If only everyone had a chance to be with their loved one after they die, even if it was just for a while. If we did, I imagine the first stop would be a bar, to get you a Scotch Whiskey. It was always your favorite. But then we could do fun stuff again, like race in a pool (even though you know I'll beat you), or we could pretent to fist fight, or you could pull out your fake teeth. Maybe you could call me your princess again. I would even let you curse out Grandma, as long as I could hear your voice. 


I never regret anything, Grandpa, but sometimes I wish life was like a video tape, so I can rewind and pause on a certain smell, or touch, or smile and make it last forever. If only it were so simple. If only I was Charlize St. Cloud.


Love always,
Your granddaughter